So, I did it. I performed to an overwhelming audience and was very pleased with the feedback and support from everybody. But, before I venture into what went well, I shall start this reflection on the topic of things that did not go to plan, so that we end on a positive note to match the nature of my performance.
I opened my show with the comedic song, as the audience entered. I originally thought that a small audience of a studio show would enter the room in no time, but I was not prepared for the number of people who showed up in support! I feel extremely flattered for that, however as I reflect, I should have prepared myself for this in case. Luckily enough, all audience members caught the final lines of my song, “So I guess I better go, start me solo show” which received plenty of laughs and so the show began with the eluding effect I wanted to achieve. However, as the audience were still settling down, the light cue for the next song was lost, therefore I started my spoken word poem in a general wash lighting.
This was all going well considering, until the lights eventually flashed on, mid-flow into my poem. I had an experience I never have had before. I froze. Every actor’s nightmare. I gave myself a breath, walked over to the mic and said the words ‘But what are you going to be’. This gave me about 30 seconds of thinking time. In my head, I was searching for words that rhymed with ‘be’ and something took over me. I thought ‘university’ and ‘drama degree’ as I improvised the next couple of lines, and eventually found my words and caught up with the beat of the music. For this I was incredibly thankful and amazed by my brain and how it all could have gone terribly wrong in that moment. I am proud of myself for not panicking and being able to bring the piece back, however I think a sense of personal disappointment is inevitable.
However, I did not let this discourage me. I had faith in the rest of my performance and I wanted to do myself proud as I had worked extremely hard for this. It is so important to not let this throw you. What I like to think, is that I was so engrossed in my role of the butterfly that it’s no wonder they got into my stomach and gave me stage fright… Okay, perhaps i cannot get away with that one, but I tried! As Abramovic said ‘Prepare to fail’ (Abramovic, 2013) and that is what I had done already. The most ironic thing about me is that although I am a person who gets easily distracted, I can also maintain extreme focus and concentration when it is needed of me. I know that as a solo performer it is entirely up to me to do every job of entertaining and saving this, as the guide to stage fright says ‘The audience is right there waiting for you to do something. Anything. So hurry up!’ (The Theatrefolk Blog, 2017).
From that things went rather smoothly… until I could not get my arms back into my jumpsuit after the butterfly daydream movement. It was rather embarrassing, however, I think this added to the performance. I apologised, breaking the fourth wall and as I struggled with my clothing and I asked the audience to prepare to help me musically to accompany my rap that followed. To maintain the continuity within messing up, after the rap I gave a thumb up and said ‘thanks’ to the audience. This was well received with laughter, and the act made it seem deliberate and added to my natural goofiness. Feedback after told me that it was endearing. So, what could have been lost due to my wardrobe malfunction was saved by my humour and the breaking of the Fourth wall, which fell rather nicely into the next poem that began with ‘See… I like to be the person that makes people laugh’.
As Berkoff said on creating solo performance, ‘Directing yourself is very interesting because you’re not really directing yourself. The audience becomes the director. When you get in front of the audience their response, their attitudes, their laughter, their silence will teach you’ (Bruno and Dixon, 2015, 5). I learnt from this that I can handle the pressure quite well, and I really wanted to maintain my focus regardless of the bumps in the road. I have learnt that it is important to respect yourself and your work as a solo performer, believe in yourself and people will believe in your ability, and an audience will recognise that you are doing the best job you can. They are experiencing it with you, as a solo artist you are not with an ensemble supporting you. You are wholly responsible for the entire creation, production and performance. This puts a lot of pressure onto you doing well, and an audience can be quick to underestimate your ability to perform something entertaining with just one body. What I learnt, was to use this as an opportunity, to harness my talent and present a strong performance to do myself justice.
As my performance ended I was greeted by an incredible applause, cheers and an audience that lingered. Never have I ever felt so emotionally charged, I was beaming for the entirety of the day, in disbelief of the reaction. Some audience members were cathartic, reacting to the performance with tears and I had no idea that it was going to be so moving. This was incredible, I feel as though I did what I wanted to do, and that was to leave my audience filled with a bittersweet feeling towards the future, taking a little reminder that we, as talented people, should remain hopeful and dream big every day.
Bruno, S. and Dixon, L. (2015). Creating solo performance. 1st ed. Abingdon, Oxon: Routledge, Taylor and Francis.
Marina Ambramovic – Advice to the young (2013) Youtube Video added by Louisiana Channel. Available at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ck2q3YgRlY
The Theatrefolk Blog. (2017). Free Poster – Common Mistakes Beginning Actors Make. [online] Available at: https://www.theatrefolk.com/blog/solve-common-mistakes-beginning-actors-make-free-poster/ [Accessed 29 May 2017].
